Lessons Learned from Older Persons

For the past two evenings, I enjoyed attending a talk and a film/discussion on what we can learn from older persons.

First, NY Times journalist John Leland discussed findings from his book, Happiness is a Choice You Make, where he discussed his year getting to know six elders 85 and over.  The event was sponsored by Coming of Age NYC, which also recorded a Facebook live video of John’s presentation (about an hour).  If you don’t have time to watch or read his book (but I encourage you to do so!), some of my major takeaways:

• the amazing power of taking the time to remember what you are grateful for you in your life every day (no matter what your age) and appreciating what you already have (e.g. ‘think about what’s there, not what’s not’)
• don’t try to ‘fix’ other people – it’s frustrating for them and for you.  John described how his relationship with his mom had improved after he stopped trying to encourage her to live differently
• older persons are often in need of being useful, of knowing that others still value their opinions
• having a purpose – a reason to get up in the morning – is essential, such as a commitment to a cause, to a family member or friend.  Purpose isn’t something you ‘find,’ it’s something you create
• happiness is not something that either happens to you or not – it’s a decision you make to find ways to focus on what is good, regardless of your circumstances
• people who take the time to help others often benefit more than the people they are helping

Then last night, director Sky Bergman presented her documentary film Lives Well Lived, celebrating the wisdom of adults 75-103 years old.  (The 103 year old was Sky’s grandmother, who sadly passed away shortly after she attended the debut of the film in which she stars.) There will be additional screenings through Wed, Jul. 25 at the JCC in Manhattan.  She interviewed forty people who shared their insights to a meaningful life:

• Don’t try to change anyone – accept them as they are
• To be open to finding love late in life after having lost previous partners
• To be kind to others – such simple advice but often forgotten
• I asked in the Q&A session on what we can do to change the perception that older adults’ lives are only about disease and illness.  Sky said that most of the elders she spoke to had their share of health challenges.  However, they chose to focus on what they could still do, not on what they couldn’t.  Some of the interviewees were still regularly active in artistic pursuits, and many continued to exercise regularly (one continued a lifelong love affair with yoga)
• Remembering to live in the present

Don’t wait until you are in your later years to learn these lessons.  You probably have someone in your life now that you can speak to for more insights on how you can live well, no matter what your age.